n 


HEAP  TURKEY 


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en 


RD    MACAU LEY 


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CHEAP  TURKEY 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


By 
WARD  MACAULEY 


NEV  YORK 

DUFFIELD  &  COMPANY 

J9J2 


< 


COPYRIGHT,  J9J2,  BY 
DUFFIELD  &  COMPANY 


CHEAP  TURKEY 
AND  WHAT  CAME  OF  IT 

By  WARD  MACAULEY 

There  was  a  smile  on  John  Good- 
man's face  and  a  feeKng  of  elation  in 
his  heart  as  he  approached  his  home 
on  Thanksgiving;  eve*  Under  his  arm 
was  a  large  and  benevolent  looking 
bundle,  and  it  is  possible  that  his  hap- 
piness of  spirits  was  in  some  way 
connected  with  its  possession*  Such, 
indeed,  was  the  case,  for  John  Good- 
man had  just  been  a  patron  at  Blank- 
burg's*  first  municipal  sale,  and  as  an 
immediate  result  thereof  he  was  the 
triumphant  owner  of  a  ten-pound  tur- 
key* In  most  years  the  flesh  of  the 
gobbler  had  been  an  unknown  luxury 
in  the  Goodman  household*     **Wel[ 

*No  particular  city  is  intended. 


273055 


CHEAP  TURKEY 

have  turkey  for  dinner/'  Goodman 
had  assured  his  uncomplaining  wife^ 
^Vhen  gold  doflars  grow  on  elder- 
berry bushes/*  And,  as  a  matter  of 
truth,  elderberry  bushes  with  gold 
doflars  on  their  branches  are  quite  out 
of  the  ken  of  the  average  shoe  sales- 
man, and  in  this  worthy,  but  not  un- 
duly remunerative  occupation,  did 
John  Goodman  earn  that  portion  of 
daily  bread — ^not  including  turkey — 
that  was  his  due*  John  had  been 
married  three  years  now,  and  the  holi- 
day had  not  previously  arrived  when 
he  conscientiously  felt  that  he  could 
afford  turkey*  True  he  had  priced  it* 
Yes,  he  had  asked  its  valuation  in  the 
fine  stores  on  the  avenue  and  in  the 
staUs  in  the  market  and  in  the  comer 
butcher  shops,  only  finafly  to  turn 
away  with  a  sigh  and  confess  to  him- 
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CHEAP  TURKEY 


self:  ''Thirty-four  cents;  too  muchj 
gfuess  well  have  to  stick  to  our  old 
favorite,  chicken/^ 

At  last,  however,  his  opportunity 
had  come«  The  municipal  sale  had 
opened^  The  good  mayor  of  Blank- 
burg  had  started  a  movement  to  sell 
certain  of  the  necessities  of  life  at 
''cost*'*  By  a  special  humanitarian 
impulse  that  defied  all  argument,  the 
necessities  were  made  elastic  enough 
to  include  turkey*  Yes,  turkey,  the 
prime  essential  of  a  proper  observance 
of  Thanksgiving  day,  was  to  be  gra- 
ciously included  in  the  list  of  articles 
to  be  disposed  of  at  "cost***  Turkey, 
which  hitherto  had  been  considered 
suitable  only  for  the  rich  man's  table, 
became  the  poor  man*s  hoEday  feast* 
The  food  of  Dives  had  become  the 
portion  of  Lazarus*  At  "cost,**  the 
7 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


mayor  had  graciously  announced  and 
at  cost  it  was  literally  to  be,  not  **cost** 
plus  a  certain  **expense*'  for  rent  and 
clerk  hire^  The  rent  the  mayor  very 
kindly  agreed  to  pay  from  his  private 
exchequer  and  the  clerk  hire  was 
taken  care  of  by  some  of  his  hench- 
men, ever  willing  to  labor  in  a  popular 
cause^  Virtue  was  to  be  its  own  and 
only  reward,  or  virtue  plus  a  few 
votes,  as  the  case  might  prove  to  be« 
Yes,  **cost*'  meant  **cost''  and  nothing 
else — ^}ust  what  was  paid  the  farmers 
for  the  birds — paid  for  them  **on  the 
hoof,'*  if  such  an  expression  can  be 
applied  to  birds* 

The  crush  at  the  sale  had  been 
furious*  The  volunteer  salesforce 
was  totally  inadequate  to  cope  with 
the  great  public  demand  for  turkeys 
at  costt  and  a  wild  scramble  among 
8 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


the  customers  had  ensued^  Two 
women,  becoming  involved  in  •  a 
wordy  dispute  over  the  possession  of 
an  extra  fancy  bird,  had  succeeded  in 
dismembering  it,  whereupon  the  sales- 
manager,  Solomon-Iike,  had  handed 
down  the  decision  that  each  should 
have  the  half — ^with  the  coincident  de- 
tail that  each  should  likewise  pay  half« 
John  Goodman,  though  among  the 
early  arrivals,  had  not  attained  his  de- 
sire without  difficulty?  but  in  his  ex- 
tremity his  early  football  training  had 
proved  his  best  friend,  and  a  half  hour 
after  he  entered  the  municipal  sales- 
room he  emerged,  somewhat  dishev- 
efled,  but  triumphant  and  with  no  torn 
clothes  to  offset  the  gain  made  by  ptir- 
chasing  **turkey  at  cost*'*  It  is  no 
wonder,  then,  that  he  should  be  so 
happy  as  he  approached  his  home*  It 
9 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


would  fac  such  a  surprise  to  Mary* 
The  ten-pound  bird,  which  would 
have  set  him  back  $3  if  purchased 
throi^h  the  ordinary  channels  of 
trade,  had  come  into  his  possession 
with  the  expenditure  of  only  $2*30 — 
hardly  more  than  the  price  of  chicken, 
he  told  himself  triumphantly* 

As  he  entered  the  house  and  gave 
his  wife  the  greeting  that  was  her  due, 
John  could  hardly  keep  the  good  news 
to  himself*  Nevertheless  with  an  ef- 
fort he  controlled  his  elation,  leaving 
the  happy  surprise  until  she  should 
open  the  package  and  see  for  herself* 
With  nothing  more  noticeable  about 
his  countenance  than  his  usual  smile, 
John  took  his  precious  bundle  and  de- 
posited it  upon  the  kitchen  table,  Mary 
closely  following* 

(0 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


She  cut  the  strings  and  unrolled  the 
paper,  and  then  John  was  rewarded 
by  the  start  of  surprise  and  jubilation 
that  he  had  been  enjoying  in  anticipa- 
tion all  during  his  walk  home*  Un- 
like so  many  similar  instances,  the 
reality  proved  in  no  wise  disap- 
pointing* 

'Why,  John,*'  she  said  in  deHght, 
''it's  a  turkey/* 

''None  other,**  said  her  husband, 
with  no  less  enthusiasm*  "Mrs* 
Goodman,  this  is  Mr*  Turkey*  Mr* 
Turkey,  this  is  Mrs*  Goodman*  You 
have  never  met  before,  I  think*** 

"Well,  if  we  have,  John,  dear,  I  am 
afraid  it  was  a  long  time  ago*  And  I 
need  hardly  say** — addressing  Mr* 
Turkey — ^"that  I  am  simply  over- 
whelmed with  delight  at  meeting 
you*** 

it 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


**l  got  it  at  the  municipal  sale,  dear/* 
explained  John  to  forestall  any  pos- 
sible censure  for  undue  extravagance; 
*'it  cost  me  only  $230;  think  of  it— 
$230  for  a  ten-pound  turkey  I  Prac- 
tically the  price  of  a  real  good  round 
steak,  as  you  might  say*  TheyVe 
selling  them  at  cost/' 

'Who  are?*' 

'Why,  the  city;  the  mayor,  I  guess, 
is  really  at  the  back  of  it/* 

'Well,  ril  write  him  a  letter  and 
tell  him  what  a  real  good  nice  man 
I  think  he  is«  Oh,  John,  maybe  the 
city  will  sell  silk  dresses,  and  maybe  I 
can  get  oneT* 

''Maybe,**  said  John,  but  just  a 
shade  of  thoughtf  ulness  crept  into  his 
tone* 

Probably  no  Thanksgiving  dinner 
was  ever  more  enjoyed  than  that  one. 
J2 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


John  could  hardly  have  been  prouder 
if  his  ten-pound  turkey  had  been  a 
baby  of  equal  weight*  Hope  deferred 
may  make  the  heart  sick,  but  turkey 
deferred  but  makes  the  meat  the 
sweeten 

''Maybe/'  said  Mrs*  John,  in  a 
burst  of  hopefulness,  ''maybe,  we  can 
have  one  every  Thanki^iving/* 

"We  can,  dear,'"  Mr*  John  assured 
her,  "and  on  Qiristmas,  too/' 

"Oh,  that  dear,  good,  lovely  Mr* 
Mayor!''  said  Mrs*  John  in  exuber- 
ance of  joy* 

The  municipal  sale  was  an  im- 
mense success,  view  it  as  you  like* 
To  the  mayor  and  his  henchmen  it 
brought  increased  prestige,  and  pres- 
tige would  come  in  very  handy  in  the 
forthcoming  campaign  for  governor, 
for  which  honor  Mr*  Mayor  was  rec- 
J3 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


ognizcd  as  a  receptive  candidate*  To 
the  people  it  had  brought  the  holiday- 
turkey  at  a  price  all  felt  could  be  af- 
forded— once  a  year,  at  any  rate* 
Only  the  storekeeper  emitted  a  howL 
He  remarked  that,  as  he  must  per- 
force pay  rent  and  hire  clerks,  he 
could  not  consistently  sell  turkey  at 
the  price  he  paid  for  it  **on  the  hoof/' 
His  criticisms  were  greeted  with  roars 
of  derision*  The  press  printed  his 
views,  only  to  sneer,  and  the  word 
'Vobber^'  was  flung  at  him  from  many 
quarters*  Big  headlines  had  an- 
nounced the  mayor's  plan*  It  was 
*%ews*'*  The  storekeeper's  complaint 
was  safely  and  securely  secreted  in  the 
*'City  in  Brief"  column,  and  a  clever 
turn  of  phrase  had  sufficiently  re- 
vealed the  fact  that  the  newspaper  was 
out  of  sympathy  with  his  ''selfish" 

waiL 

H 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


''The  Beagle/'  an  enterprising 
newspaper,  perceivii^  the  favor  with 
which  the  public  had  greeted  the  inno- 
vation, suggested  that  perhaps  the  ex- 
periment could  be  enlarged  somewhat* 

IF  TURKEY,  WHY  NOT  COAL? 

the  types  had  howled  to  all  the  world, 
and  John  Goodman  and  a  host  of 
others  like  him — ^personages  whom  we 
may  consider  typical  of  the  man  on  the 
street — ^when  the  headlines  focussed 
their  attention  had  repeated  the  ques- 
tion, *^es,  if  turkey,  why  not  coal?"' 
The  newspaper  went  on  to  argue  that 
while  cheap  turkey  as  a  means  of  al- 
lowii^  the  great  American  public  to 
observe  Thanksgiving  in  the  good  old- 
fashioned  New  England  way  was 
certainly  a  highly  commendable  thing 
J5 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


and  ought  to  be  encour^ed  as  much 
as  possible,  still  it  could  hardly  rank 
in  importance  with  furnishing  heat  to 
keep  the  poor  from  suffering  in  this 
terrible  winten  *'Seventy-five  cents  a 
ton  profit  to  the  retail  coal  dealers. 
This  could  be  saved  by  a  municipal 
coal  business/*  the  headlines  had 
shouted  a  day  later.  The  article  went 
on  to  point  out  that  the  Board  oJ 
Public  Works  had  constantly  team- 
sters who  were  idle,  especially  in  the 
winter,  and  that  delivery  could  be 
made  without  cost*  **One  dollar 
saved  to  the  consumer,**  was  the  en- 
ticement held  out  in  bright  red  on  the 
third  day*  And  Mr*  Mayor  began  to 
see  the  light*  Having  in  mind  the 
scriptural  reference  regarding  the  man 
who  put  his  hand  to  the  plow  and 
then  turned  back,  Mr*  Mayor  deter- 
16 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


mined  to  pursue  his  course  to  the  bit- 
ter, bitter  end*  The  municipal  coat 
yard  became  a  reality*  The  public 
was  delighted  A  dollar  a  ton  saved  I 
No  cold  homes  in  Blankburg  this 
winter,  no,  indeed*  Business  boomed 
— at  the  municipal  coal  yard*  In  vain 
the  retail  dealers  protested*  **How 
can  we  sell  coal  at  a  profit,  when  the 
city  sells  for  cost?''  they  insistently 
asked*  The  newspaper  unfeelingly 
replied,  '*You  can V  with  none  too 
well  hidden  an  inference  that  they 
didn't  deserve  to*  Finding  it  impos- 
sible to  do  business  at  a  profit,  the  re- 
tailer decided  not  to  do  business  at  all* 
The  coal  yards  began  to  close*  Per- 
fectly respectable  young  men  who  had 
spent  good  years  of  their  lives  in  an- 
swering 'phone  calls  and  saying, 
''Yes,  one  ton  to  Mr*  So-and-so — put 
17 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


in,  yes,  thank  you,^'  were  forced  to 
seek  other  means  of  employment* 
They  couldn't  go  into  the  grocery 
business,  for  the  municipal  markets — 
not  one  now,  but  several — ^had  so  oc- 
cupied the  field  that  no  one  in  that 
line  of  trade  dreamed  of  expanding, 
and  all  were  praying  with  one  accord 
to  be  delivered  from  the  ruin  that 
stared  them  in  the  face*  Still,  numer- 
ous fields  of  endeavor  remained  open* 
The  municipaEty  had  left  untouched 
a  great  many  avenues  of  activity*  So 
the  erstwhile  coalmen — as  opportunity 
offered — ^became  assistant  haberdash- 
ers, and  bank  messengers,  and  street- 
car conductors,  and  extra  Saturday 
help  in  clothing  stores* 

**The  Evening  Beagle''  crowed 
with  triumphant  delight*  Whole  col- 
umns were  devoted  to  '*the  people's 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


battle'*  which  had  been  waged  so  un- 
erringly by  the  *^BeagIe"  itself*  True, 
the  corner  grocers  were  people,  the 
coal  dealers  were  people,  their  assist- 
ants were  people*  At  least,  to  all  out- 
ward appearance,  they  bore  the  same 
semblance  as  the  others  whom  in  to- 
tality we  style  *'the  people*'  and  of 
whom  the  demagogue  never  tires  of 
talking  and  to  whom  he  ceaselessly 
pledges  eternal  loyalty*  Like  the 
butchers  and  the  grocers,  the  coal 
dealers  emitted  remarks  distinctly  de- 
rogatory to  the  conduct  of  affairs  in 
Blankburg*  Protests  anent  taking 
the  bread  out  of  deserving  mouths 
were  voiced  again  and  again*  The 
complaint  had  no  further  effect  than 
to  give  the  **Beagle'*  still  another  cue* 
''Bread?'*  the  editor  shrieked,  when 
he  turned  over  in  his  mind  the  phrase- 
J9 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


ology  of  their  criticism  of  the  pro- 
gressive movements  of  the  day* 
"'Bread— why  didn't  we  think  of  that 
before?  Why,  bread  is  the  staff  of 
life,  the  one  thing  needfuh\  It  stands 
between  a  hungry  population  and 
starvation*  And  the  base  being  who 
forces  the  public  to  pay  an  undue 
price,  ah,  who  is  he?  Again,  it  is  the 
corner  grocery  and  the  bafceshop/' 
The  editorial  vow,  strong  and  inviol- 
able as  the  law  of  Mede  and  Persian, 
was  roistered  that  (not  quite  literally 
speaking)  the  entire  staff  should 
neither  slumber  nor  sleep  till  this  foul 
wrong  was  undone*  **Breadr' 
shouted  the  editor?  **Bread,**  echoed 
the  reporters  J  **Bread,**  said  the  edi- 
torial writer;  **Bread,''  agreed  the 
foreman*  The  next  issue  was  a  mas- 
terpiece* 

20 


I 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


''BREAD  AT  COST'* 

was  flung:  across  an  entire  page^  and 
in  eagfer^  breathless  sentences  the  edi- 
tor took  his  public  into  his  secret  of 
making  the  staff  of  life  a  Kttle  more 
easily  procured*  *'Man  shall  not  live 
by  bread  alone/*  he  thundered  in 
heavy  blackface,  **y^t  man  cannot 
live  without  bread*  Why  pray  for 
our  daily  bread  while  we  tolerate  the 
abominable  and  iniquitous  monster 
that  keeps  it  far  out  of  our  reach?** 

The  people  were  delighted — that  is, 
the  people  minus  the  grocers  and  the 
butchers  and  the  bakeshop  men  and 
the  coal  dealers  and  their  assistants* 
The  coal  clerk  out  of  a  fob  would 
rather  still  be  disputing  over  the 
*phone  about  what  he  termed  a  wholly 
2J 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


unavoidable  delay  in  delivery  than  to 
have  a  small  loaf  of  bread  at  3  cents 
instead  of  4  cents*  The  middleman 
voiced  a  faint  protest— faint  because 
so  highly  and  condescendingly  disre- 
garded—and was  told — editorially — 
by  the  **BeagIe'*  not  to  be  so  selfish* 

The  grocers  found  their  sales 
greatly  decreased  by  the  competition 
of  the  Municipal  Bread  Emporium, 
where  you  could  buy  bread  for  3  cents 
per  loaf,  and  wrap  it  yourself  in  paper 
brought  by  you  for  the  purpose.  The 
eye  of  vision  in  the  **BcagIeV*  office 
was  by  no  means  dimmed  as  yet* 
**We  have  saved  the  selling  profit,*' 
roared  the  types?  **why  not  save  the 
manufacturing  profit?*'  So  the  city 
bakery  became  a  living,  moving  fact* 
True,  it  was  impossible  to  secure  po- 
litical henchmen  who  were  both  will- 
22 


I 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


ing  and  competent  to  make  bread — 
without  pay — so  that  a  starving:  pub- 
lic could  be  saved  a  cent  per  loaf ,  so 
it  was  necessary  to  hire  the  usual  em- 
ployees, but,  as  the  **Beag:Ie''  shrieked, 
'*to  market  their  products  without 
profit/'  As  strongly  did  the  ''Beagle'* 
insist  upon  bread  of  the  best  quality* 
**The  best,  the  very  best,'*  it  blazoned 
forth,  ''is  none  too  good  to  nourish 
the  bodies  of  the  city's  toilers/'  Which 
was  all  very  true,  no  doubt,  but  the 
coal  man's  assistant  was  more  inter- 
ested in  having  the  means  to  secure 
sustenance  of  any  kind  than  he  was 
that  it  should  be  "the  best"  or  that  he 
should  be  able  to  save  a  fractional  part 
of  its  cost*  The  municipal  bakeries, 
for  the  one  quickly  grew  to  be  a  dozen, 
were  an  immense  success;  more  so 
even  than  the  bread  emporium  that 
23 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


had  preceded  them*  The  "'Be^Ie'' 
said  sOt  and  a  gfreat  number  of  ^'the 
people*'  agreed — that  is,  the  people 
minus  the  grocers  and  the  bakers  and 
the  coal  men  and  the  butchers  and 
their  assistants,  who  remembered  too 
well  their  own  sad  experience  as  a 
result  of  the  municipalit/s  doing  bus- 
iness at  ^'cost/' 

The  crowds  on  the  street  grew^ 
More  than  one  bakery,  faiKng  to  find 
sufficient  market  for  its  output  abroad, 
had  closed  its  doors,  and  while  many 
of  the  manual  laborers — ^the  produc- 
tive forces,  as  the  **BeagIe'*  said — 
were  able  to  find  employment  in  the 
cit/s  bakeries — ^if  they  could  prove 
their  claim  to  have  voted  right— the 
office  men  and  superintendents  were 
put  upon  their  own  resources*  Office 
men  weren't  needed,  for  **all  the  book- 
24 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


keeping  that  is  necessary/*  as  the 
mayor  so  aptly  put  it,  '*can  be  done 
on  an  adding  machine  in  the  G)mp- 
troller's  office/' 

Some  of  the  office  men  and  superin- 
tendents secured  employment  in  other 
fields — at  less  per  diem,  to  be  sure,  as 
a  result  of  their  lack  of  experience* 
Others  repaired  to  other  cities,  some, 
as  one  of  their  number  so  sardonically 
put  it,  going  as  far  as  possible  from 
Blankburg*  Others  joined  the  ranks 
on  the  street  and  the  throng  of  in- 
dustrious students  of  the  **HeIp  Want- 
ed'* column  J  only  the  ''Help  Wanted*' 
column  had  shrunk  considerably  of 
late,  while  the  ''Situations  Wanted** 
could  no  longer  be  classed  as  a  col- 
umn, but  had  perforce  to  be  referred 
to  as  a  page*  But  it  was  a  great 
triumph  for  the  people;  that  is  the 
25 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


people  with  the  minuses  noted  pre- 
viously^ 

After  its  signal  victory  in  the  fight 
for  bread — ^^a  second  French  Revolu- 
tion/' as  the  '^Beagle''  so  appropriate- 
ly suggested — the  editor  of  that  estima- 
ble sheet  was  willing  to  rest  content 
with  his  laurels  for  some  two  weeks  be- 
fore taking  the  next  stand  in  his  battle 
for  *%e  people's  rights/'  Merchants 
stood  in  mortal  fear  that  their  particu- 
lar branch  of  commerce  would  be  the 
next  to  be  invaded*  The  pubEc  ab- 
stained from  buying  as  much  as  pos- 
sible in  the  hope  that  perhaps  the  city 
might  be  able  to  effect  a  saving  in  the 
contemplated  purchases*  Travelling 
men  warned  each  other  to  steer  clear 
of  Blankburg*  **Yoxs  can't  sell  a 
thing  in  the  town  unless  you  sell  it 
to  the  city— and  at  cost/'  as  one  of 
26 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


the  fraternity  picturesquely  phrased  it* 
Sales  forces  were  reduced  to  the  mini- 
mum, as  no  one  could  tell  where  the 
I^htningf  would  strike  next* 

"W  BREAD,  WHY  NOT 
CLOTHINGr 

was  what  the  '^Beagle*'  finally  offered 
as  the  next  plan  of  attack*  *^hy 
not?'*  the  article  went  on  in  headlines 
a  shade  smaller*  **Food  and  cloth- 
ing: go  hand  in  hand,*'  though  exactly 
how,  the  learned  editor  omitted  to 
state*  **These  are  the  prime  neces- 
sities of  life*  Why  pay  extra  prices 
for  the  services  of  a  salesman  who 
invariably  sells  you  a  misfit?**  And 
the  public — or  a  portion  of  it — echoed 
'Why?**  The  mayor  was  called  in* 
He  was  very  complaisant*  Why  not, 
27 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


The  ^'Beagle**  carried  a  flattering 
counterfeit  presentment  of  him  as  a 
permanent  feature  of  its  front  page 
and  lauded  him  with  that  dearest 
phrase  of  his  heart — ^"the  people's 
champion*'*  Already  the  mayor  had 
visions  of  himself  in  the  governor's 
chair  J  for  who  could  stop  the  man 
who  had  brought  the  necessities  of 
life  to  the  people  at  cost?  Governor's 
chair?  Why  stop  at  that?  The  sena- 
torial toga  J  aye,  even  the  presidency, 
for  should  not  the  people's  best  gifts 
go  to  those  who  did  the  most  for  the 
people?  The  mayor  had  a  right  to 
be  complaisant*  The  scheme  was  a 
good  one,  he  assured  the  editor*  He 
had  been  considering  it  himself*  As  a 
matter  of  fact,  he  hadn't,  but  that  is 
neither  here  nor  there*  The  details 
were  worked  out  and  the  Clothing  De- 
28 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


pository  was  opened  for  business  with 
an  advertising  campaign  consisting  of 
prodigal  amounts  of  the  '^BeagleV 
most  valuable  space — space  that  a 
mere  middleman  could  not  purchase* 
The  question  of  saving  the  people  as 
much  as  possible  had  been  given  a 
great  deal  of  consideration  at  the  hands 
of  the  mayor  and  the  editor — and  at 
the  ^'hands''  is  singularly  appropriate* 
A  large  expense  in  connection  with 
the  sale  of  clothing — aside  from  rent — 
is  in  the  salesmanship*  It  takes  time 
to  sell  a  man  a  suit,  and  time  is  money 
even  when  it  is  rated  at  only  $20*00 
per  week*  After  pondering  the  per- 
plexing problem  for  some  time,  the 
mayor,  with  his  accustomed  and  in- 
imitable, homely,  commonsense  way 
of  settling  a  question,  shouted:  **Why, 
man  alive,  every  man  knows  what 
29 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


xizc  suits  he  wears  J  we*Il  just  assort 
the  suits  according  to  size  and  let  each 
man  pick  out  his  owm  We'll  have  a 
turnstile  where  he  can  pay,  and  just 
outside  he  can  wrap  it  up  himself*  All 
well  need  is  a  guard  at  one  end  and 
a  cashier  at  the  other*  Well  have  a 
regular  clothing  serve-self/' 

''And  we  can  sell  the  clothing  at 
exactly  cost**' 

**Sure/'  agreed  the  mayor  J  **thc 
clerk-hire  for  the  guard  and  the  cash- 
ier can  go  into  the  regular  budget*'' 

''That's  all  right/'  said  the  editor, 
"but  who  will  open  the  cases?" . 

"Cases?"  asked  the  mayor  blankly* 

"Yes,  cases/'  said  the  editor,  impa- 
tiently j  "clothing  comes  in  wooden 
cases*" 

"Well,"  said  the  mayor,  philosoph- 
ically, "the  guard  can  do  it  when 
30 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


things  arc  quiets  In  a  pinch  the  pub- 
licTI  help  him  out,  seeing  they  get  the 
stuff  at  cost/' 

A  whole  page  of  the  *^BeagIe*'  pro- 
claimed the  gladsome  news  to  the 
world — that  is,  gladsome  to  all  with 
a  few  minuses  that  scarcely  need  to  be 
mentioned*  Bakers  and  butchers  and 
grocers  and  coal  men  and  their  assist- 
ants who  had  been  '^eliminated/'  faced 
a  deKghtfuI  prospect  of  using  a  sum- 
mer suit  through  the  winter,  and  the 
Clothing  Serve-self  afforded  them 
comfort  only  in  the  sense  that  misery 
loves  company*  So  the  public,  with 
these  exceptions — exceptions  growing 
larger  with  every  step  in  the  cam- 
paign— was  very  glad  to  purchase 
clothing  at  cost;  and  while  the  cloth- 
iers fumed  and  fretted,  the  **BeagIe/' 
with  its  golden  words  of  yore,  bade 
3J 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


them  not  to  be  so  selfish*  The 
clothiers  consoled  themselves  as  much 
as  possible  by  turning  their  attention 
to  the  haberdashery  department,  hop- 
ing against  hope  that  perhaps  that 
might  be  overlooked  in  the  mad 
scramble  to  sell  goods  at  cost*  There 
was  no  need,  however,  for  a  fraction 
of  as  many  salesmen  as  before,  and 
by  the  usual  process  of  the  survival 
of  the  fittest,  the  body  of  students  of 
the  ever-shrinking  help-wanted  col- 
umn was  alarmingly  increased* 

It  was  a  case  of  ^Whenever  you 
see  a  head,  hit  it,''  so  very  wisely  the 
heads  remained  out  of  view  just  as 
much  as  possible*  The  merchants 
began  to  cut  down  on  their  advertis-* 
ing,  for  fear  that  by  the  process  of 
suggestion  the  line  to  which  they  were 
giving  publicity  would  be  the  next  to 
32 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


be  pounced  upon  fay  the  faackers  of  the 
city's  selling  at  cost  plan*  And  here- 
by hangs  a  tale#  Though  the  circula- 
tion of  the  '^Beagle*'  was  growing 
very  rapidly — despite  cancellations  fay 
the  butchers,  faakers,  grocers,  coal 
dealers,  clothiers  and  their  assistants — 
the  advertising  was  showing  a  menac- 
ing falling  off*  Not  that  it  at  all  dis- 
turfaed  the  serene  soul  of  the  militant 
editor — serene  in  the  consciousness  of 
a  nofale  task  worthily  performed — for 
he  was  ofalivious  to  the  more  sordid 
things  of  life*  However,  the  mat- 
ter was  forcifaly  farought  to  his  atten- 
tion fay  the  fausiness  manager,  who 
kindly  faut  firmly  conveyed  the  idea 
that  *%is  sort  of  thing''  must  stop* 
The  editor  was  none  the  less  direct 
with  the  retort  courteous;  a  few  well- 
turned  phrases  revealing— in  a  way 
33 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


not  to  be  misunderstood — that  the  edi- 
torial department  did  not  condescend 
to  argue  matters  of  pubKc  poKcy  with 
those  whose  ideals  rose  no  higher  than 
lines  and  inches* 

Despite  his  lofty  attitude — or  altin 
tude — the  editor  confessed  to  himself 
certain  misgivings  in  regard  to  the 
future  of  the  newspaper  if  the  cam- 
paign for  merchandise  at  cost  should 
eventually  ''eliminate*'  all  of  his  pat- 
rons* In  quiet,  unostentatious  ways, 
he  did  a  few  strokes — greatly  against 
his  conscience,  as  he  told  himself — to 
stem  the  tide*  The  headlines  were 
one  si^e  smaller*  Other  matters  occa- 
sionally secured  a  place  on  the  front 
page,  and  the  mayor's  picture  appeared 
only  on  alternate  days — a  proceeding 
that  nearly  disrupted  a  beautiful  friend- 
ship j  for  the  editor  and  the  mayor 
34 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


were  like  unto  Damon  and  Pythiasu 
The  love  of  Jonathan  for  David,  said 
of  holy  writ  to  exceed  the  love  of 
woman,  could  scarcely  have  been 
greater  than  the  sacred  feeling:  that 
stirred  their  hearts*  It  was  a  fine  ex- 
ample for  the  youth  of  Blankfaurg  to 
emulate* 

The  editor  paused  in  his  mad  career 
of  suggfesting  new  worlds  to  conquer^ 
Not  so  his  devoted  co-laborer,  nor 
the  many  ^'constant  readers'*  of  his 
paper*  Suggestions  piled  in  upon  him 
from  all  sides;  suggestions  that  he 
dared  not  turn  aside  even  if  he  would* 
Scarcely  an  article  that  is  used  by  all 
mankind  was  omitted  from  the  Kst  of 
what  the  public  would  buy  at  cost, 
the  public  being  represented  at  least  by 
the  man  who  wrote  the  letter*  The; 
editor  was  growing  more  conserva- 
35 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


tive,  however,  with  the  decreasing  size 
of  his  paper,  due  to  lack  of  paid  space* 
He  reluctantly  confessed  to  the  mayor 
that  they  ''must  make  haste  slowly/' 

The  mayor  was  of  quite  another 
mind,  however*  ''Well  clean  up  this 
whole  town,**  he  asserted,  pounding 
his  fist*  ''Let  not  a  guilty  man  es- 
cape*** The  editor  bowed  his  ac- 
quiescence* Not  a  prophet  of  Baal 
should  be  spared* 

Nowt  as  it  chanced^  the  mayor 
was  an  ardent  equal-suffrage  advocate; 
— one  thing  to  his  credit  at  the  least, 
thoi^h  his  enemies  suggested  that 
handsomeness  of  face  and  grace  of  de- 
meanor gave  him  confidence  in  win- 
ning the  support  of  the  gentler  sex* 
It  galled  the  mayor*s  sensitive  soul  to 
have  the  men  get  the  advantage  of 
buying  clothing  at  cost  without  giving 
36 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


the  ladies  something  to  offset  this«  He 
bided  his  time,  as  all  the  master  minds 
have  done  from  the  beginning  of  his- 
tory, and  on  the  very  day  when  the 
ordinary  channels  of  trade  were  an- 
nouncing their  formal  openings  with 
the  very  latest  in  spring  millinery,  he 
blazoned  forth  across  the  ''BeagleV 
front  page: 

'TADmy  HATS  AT  COST*'' 

The  editor  was  the  more  glad  that 
his  co-worker  had  postponed  action 
until  that  day,  since  the  paid  advertise- 
ments were  already  in  the  paper* 

Talk  about  your  sensations!  A 
cyclone  could  scarcely  have  made 
more  stir*  The  telephone  service  was 
taxed  to  its  capacity  and  beyond,  while 
Mrs*  Smith  and  Mrs*  Jones  and  thou- 
37 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


sands  of  their  sisters  discussed  the 
novel  and  highly  delightful  situation* 
The  mayor  had  divined  that  the 
proper  plan  was  a  millinery  serve- 
self — each  hat  plainly  marked,  first 
come,  first  served*  A  regiment  of 
starving  men  contending  for  a  solitary 
ham  sandwich  could  not  have  put  up 
a  more  spectacular  exhibition  than  the 
mayor's  first-day  customers*  Onlook- 
ers would  have  been  justified  in  be- 
lieving that  not  a  solitary  Blankburg 
woman  went  home  that  night  with- 
out a  new  hat*  And  they  had  bought 
them  at  cost!  The  few  remaining 
pieces  of  headgear  that  had  been  unan- 
imously dubbed  ^'frights'*  were  surely 
such  in  the  most  literal  interpretation 
of  the  word  when  the  day  was  over* 
The  scene  showed  unmistakable 
traces  of  the  recent  holocaust,  and  the 
38 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


guard  and  the  cashier  vaguely  won- 
dered if  shattered  nerves  were  included 
in  the  items  of  **the  cost*'* 

The  mayor  was  delighted*  When- 
ever he  saw  a  beautiful  woman  on 
the  street  wearing  a  becoming  hat,  he 
whispered  complacently  to  himself,  **I 
did  that*  Perhaps  but  for  me  sha 
could  only  have  afforded  an  ugly  bon- 
net**' The  ladies*  clubs  Kstened  atten- 
tively to  ringing  resolutions  in  praise 
of  His  Honor*  Plans  for  a  life-si^ed 
statue  in  Green  Park  were  being  fav- 
orably considered*  More  than  one 
other  woman  echoed  Mrs*  Goodman's 
eulogy — ^''that  dear,  good  Mr*  Mayor*" 
Mr*  Mayor  was  wonderfully  confident 
that  he  could  never  be  defeated  if 
equal  suffrage  came  to  be* 

One  point  of  difference  arose  be- 
tween His  Honor  and  his  editorial 
39 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


confrere*    It  came  about  in  this  way: 

**AI/'  said  the  mayor,  in  the  burst 
of  enthusiasm  that  betokens  a  sudden 
discovery,  ''how  would  it  be  if  we 
sold  them  beer  at  cost?'' 

''Beerr  said  the  editor* 

''Yes,  beer;  why  not?'*  replied  His 
Honor,  preparing  to  wax  eloquent  in 
defense  of  his  roseate  inspiration* 

"Well,  you  know,  Joe,*'  said  his 
bosom  chum,  deprecatingly,  "you  can 
hardly  call  beer  a  necessity*'* 

The  mayor  waved  the  objection 
aside*  "That's  largely  in  the  way 
you  look  at  it,"  he  said* 

Nevertheless,  the  editorial  support 
was  not  so  easily  won  over*  After 
debating  the  matter  pro  and  con  for 
the  better  part  of  the  afternoon,  the 
two,  disagreeing  in  policy  but  eternally 
firm  in  friendship,  had  compromised 
40 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


by  agreeing  to  submit  the  whole  mat- 
ter to  a  higher  power,  viz*,  the  people* 

*WeTI  have  a  referendum/'  shouted 
the  mayor,  as  though  he  were  address- 
ing a  political  gathering*  *TLet  the 
people  rule**' 

The  editor  could  hardly  enter  any 
plausible  objection  to  such  a  cotsrse,  so 
the  next  day's  **BeagIe**  had  heavy 
headlines  across  the  front  page; 


u 


BEER    AT    COST— DO    THE 
PEOPLE  WANT  ITr 


Then  foflowed  an  elucidation  of 
the  plan  of  campa^^  The  spring 
election  was  but  a  few  weeks  away* 
A  few  minor  officials  were  to  be  chos- 
en and  the  electorate  could  easily  spare 
additional  time  to  voice  its  sovereign 
mandate  regarding  the  complex  eco- 
4( 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


nomic  and  social  problem  as  to 
whether  or  not  the  city  should  provide 
such  of  its  citizens  as  made  use  of 
the  commodity  with  beer*  Such  a 
campaign  as  was  w^ed  over  this 
proposition  had  never  been  known  in 
Blankburg  before,  nor,  indeed,  in  any 
other  municipality  of  which  we  have 
record*  It  is  said  that  politics  makes 
strange  bed-fellows  j  and  in  the  whirl- 
wind campaign  that  followed  the 
**BeagIeV^  announcement,  we  see  the 
*'drys''  lined  up  on  the  same  side  with 
the  brewers  and  the  saloon  keepers* 
Both  were  unalterably  opposed  to 
Blankburg's  going  into  the  beer  busi- 
ness, the  former  from  a  matter  of 
principle,  the  latter  as  a  matter  of 
profit*  The  mayor  vaguely  suggested 
that  in  the  case  of  beer,  selling  at  cost 
meant  a  much  more  substantial  re- 
42 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


duction  than  with  coal,  clothing;,  or 
bread,  or  even  ladies*  hats*  As  one  of 
his  henchmen  affirmed,  ''Why,  beer 
don't  cost  nothing/* 

The  campaign  went  merrily  on* 
''It  was  a  case,**  the  mayor  said,  "of 
the  plain  people  gainst  'the  inter- 
ests,*** these  consisting  apparently  of 
those  who  drank  nothing  and  believed 
in  spreading  their  example,  and  those 
who  believed  that  he  who  drinks 
should  pay*  When  the  baflots  were 
counted,  however,  it  was  found,  as 
the  mayor  had  predicted,  that  "the 
ayes  have  it*** 

The  result  proved  to  be  slightly  dif- 
ferent from  that  which  was  antici- 
pated* Instead  of  saving  money  on  his 
Kquid  refreshment,  the  average  man 
merely  drank  more  of  it*  The  move 
was  not,  therefore,  of  the  great 
43 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


economic  importance  that  the  mayor 
had  so  confidently  predicted*  Never- 
theless, he  felt  that  he  could  congratu- 
late himself  on  his  coup*  He  assured 
himself  that  he  had  made  himself 
more  solid  than  ever  with  the  great 
unwashed  multitude*  More  than  that, 
he  thot^ht  that  he  perceived  a  very 
visible  saving  in  campaigns  to  come 
when  ''the  boys*'  would  expect  him 
to  ''set  'em  up/'  "We'fl  treat  'em/' 
he  told  himself,  "at  the  municipal  re- 
freshment stations*  What  could  be 
more  appropriate?" 

This  aspect  of  the  campaign  by  no 
means  passed  unnoticed  by  the  ladies, 
and  after  a  period  of  whispered  con- 
ferences— ^proving  that  secrets  can  be 
maintained  by  the  gentler  sex — ^the 
mayor  found  himself  facing  a  most 
formidable  looking  petition*  Appar- 
44 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


ently  every  female  of  whatsoever  age 
in  all  Blankburg  had  affixed  her  signa- 
ture, for  the  roll  seemed  interminable. 
Force  of  might  and  numbers  was 
scarcely  necessary,  for  the  mayor  had 
ever  an  ear  open  for  the  popular  de- 
sire, and  particularly  so  where  the 
ladies  were  concerned*    *'It  is  the  part 
of  chivalry,"'  he  decided,  ''to  grant  the 
request  if  it  be  within  my  power/' 
The  petition  set  forth: 
"Wherein  and  inasmuch  as  by  the 
influence  of  your  Honor,  the  Honor- 
able Mayor  of  the  city  of  Bknkburg, 
and  by  popular  vote  (howbeit  a  large 
number  of  those  who  were  entitled 
to  the  suffrage  were  denied  this)  the 
said  city  entered  into  the  operation  of 
refreshment   stations   where  beer  is 
sold  at  cost,  we  hereby  respectfully  pe- 
tition your  Honor  to  a  similar  course 
45 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


in  regard  to  ice  cream  sodas,  ice  cream 
and  sundaes;  and  we  feel  confident 
that  the  high  sense  of  justice  and  fit- 
ness so  eminently  conspicuous  in  your 
Honor  from  the  beginning  of  your 
pubKc  life,  will  at  once  recognize  the 
righteousness  of  our  request/' 

The  word  had  first  been  written 
**demand/*  but  this  had  been  crossed 
off,  but  not  entirely  obliterated,  and 
''request'*  substituted* 

Would  the  mayor  do  it?  Well,  he 
had  only  been  awaiting  the  chance* 
If  the  entire  fifteen  thousand  who  had 
signed  had  only  come  to  him  with  a 
petition  in  boots — ^the  dear  creatures — 
his  cup  of  joy  would  have  been  over- 
flowing, indeed*  'Petition  in  boots'* 
sounded  a  little  inapt  to  His  Honor — 
in  pumps"  were  better* 

The  mayor  at  once  instituted  the 
46 


**t 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


soft-drink  refreshment  stations*  The 
various  delectables  were  served  abso- 
lutely at  cost^  The  question  of  help 
gave  the  mayor  an  opportunity  to 
demonstrate  those  brilliant  attributes 
of  mind  that  he  confidently  expected 
would  ultimately  land  him  in  the 
President's  chair*  He  appealed  to  the 
ladies*  Would  they  volunteer  for  duty 
just  one  day  a  year  in  the  municipal 
ice  cream  parlors?  Would  they  do 
it?  They  were  so  delighted  to  repay 
even  partially  the  dear  mayor  for  all 
his  kindness*  So»  being  more  or  less 
a  co-operative  proposition,  the  '*ice 
cream  at  cost*'  scheme  was  a  huge 
success,  except  that  very  many  an 
agile  slinger  of  egg  phosphates — ^the 
experts  who  can  toss  the  delectable 
beverage  far  in  the  air,  cause  it  to  form 
a  complete  letter  ''S'*  and  fall  grace- 
47 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


fully  into  the  glass— found  himself 
out  of  a  job*  Some  went  to  neighbor- 
ing towns,  some  accepted  engage- 
ments in  vaudeville  as  high-class  jt^- 
glers,  and  others  waited  for  something 
to  ''turn  up/'  No  use  looking  for  work 
in  Blankburg*  The  process  of  **elim- 
inating*'  middlemen  and  their  assist- 
ants had  given  the  town  an  army  of 
unemployed  (as  the  figure  of  speech 
has  it)  by  the  side  of  which  the  out- 
of-work  crowd  in  an  ordinary  panic 
was  a  mere  corporal's  guard*  The 
situation-wanted  department  in  the 
liner  columns  diminished — ^not  be- 
cause the  jobs  were  not  desired,  but 
because  of  lack  of  funds  to  pay  for  the 
ads  and  the  uselessness  of  the  appeal, 
anyway*  Of  course,  *'the  people'' 
were  buying  their  necessities  a  whole 
lot  cheaper  than  ever  before,  but  a 
48 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


very  large  number  had  already  begun 
to  suffer  in  the  process — and  the  end 
was  not  yet*  The  mayor  seemed  in- 
satiate,  like  the  sea  monster  with  a 
multitude  of  mouths,  all  ^'practicable/' 
as  the  stage  directions  say*  Some — 
aside  from  the  victims — ^began  to 
counsel  moderation*  *'Let  us  rest  on 
our  honors/'  they  st^gested,  well  con- 
tent to  have  the  other  man's  business 
plucked  but  fearful  of  their  own*  The 
mayor's  ambition,  however,  lay  in  the 
direction  of  **a  clean  sweep*"  He  was 
a  * Vhole-hogger/'  The  clothing  mer- 
chant quickly  found  that  his  reliance 
upon  his  haberdashery  was  a  house 
built  upon  the  sands*  The  mayor's 
logical  mind  had  quickly  perceived  the 
inevitable  conclusion  that  a  man  is  not 
properly  equipped  when  he  has  a  coat 
and  vest  and  trousers*  He  could  not 
49 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


tf 


face  the  world  so  garbed,  without  em- 
barrassments    Neckwear,  hats,  col- 
lars, cuffs,  shirts  and  underwear  soon 
became  part  and  parcel  of  the  great  **at 
cost*'  campaign*    More  of  the  men's 
furnishing   shops  closed  up*     More 
merchants  sought  greener  fields,  more 
wonderfully   polite   young   men   at- 
tempted to  locate  the  spot  where  po- 
liteness might  be  considered  an  asset* 
The     haberdashery     *'serve  -  self 
proved  a  little  harder  to  manipulate 
than  the  clothing*    The  mayor,  with 
his  beautiful  faith  in  human  nature,  a 
faith  difficult  to  understand  in  one  ex- 
perienced in  politics,  received  many  a 
rude  shock*    His  fervidly  announced 
opinion  that  not  one  citizen  of  Blank- 
burg  would  be  low  enot^h  or  base 
enough  to  take  advantage  of  the  kindly 
municipality  that  furnished  the  neces- 
50 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


sities  to  him  **aX  cosf '  proved  to  be 
slightly  erroneous*  The  temptation  to 
tuck  three  neckties  in  the  pocket  and 
to  pay  for  only  one  at  the  door  proved 
to  be  a  little  too  strong  for  certain  of 
Blankburg's  electorate*  The  opera- 
tion, therefore,  of  selling  **at  cost'' 
gave  promise  of  furnishing  a  wholly 
unwelcome  deficit  that  the  mayor  was 
somewhat  at  a  loss  to  see  how  he 
could  take  care  of*  He  thought  possi- 
bly some  funds  might  be  diverted 
from  the  school-building  fund,  if  done 
with  sufficient  finesse,  and,  as  he  as- 
sured himself,  the  necessities  were 
more  important  than  education,  any- 
way* 

The  mayor's  campaign  proceeded 
with  unabated  fury*    Hardly  a  week 
went  by  without  some  line  of  mer- 
chandise coming  under  the  scope  of 
5t 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


his  selling:  **aX  cosf  plan*  It  soon  be- 
came apparent  that  before  many- 
months  had  passed  there  would  be  prac- 
tically no  commercial  fields  in  which 
the  city  did  not  compete,  and  as  the 
city  invariably  sold  *'at  cost/'  the  local 
merchants  were  usually  put  out  of 
business,  though  some  survived,  to 
take  care  of  the  trade  of  those  suffi- 
ciently affluent  to  be  willing  to  pay  the 
larger  price  and  not  be  required  to 
wait  on  themselves  and  wrap  their 
own  packages* 

So  universal  had  been  the  raid  that 
it  was  marvellous  that  boots  and  shoes 
should  have  remained  untouched  as 
long  as  they  did*  For  this,  John 
Goodman  and  a  host  of  others  were 
profotmdly  thankful*  Their  jubilation 
was  destined  to  be  rudely  interrupted, 
however,  and  it  fell  to  the  lot  of  John 
52 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


Goodman  himself  to  be  present  when 
His  Honor  came  to  the  long  expected 
conclusion  that  it  was  within  the  city^s 
province — ^nay,  duty — to  garb  the 
nether  extremities  of  its  citizens*  The 
mayor  had  entered  the  small  estab- 
lishment in  which  John  Goodman 
toiled  for  his  daily  sustenance* 

**Show  me  a  pair  of  shoes/*  he  said, 
in  the  tone  of  one  accustomed  to  hom- 
agc*  After  two  or  three  trials,  John 
Goodman  succeeded  in  satisfying  His 
Honor  in  style,  quaEty  and  fit — ^but 
not  in  price,  as  he  was  soon  to  learn 
to  his  consternation* 

*How  much?''  asked  the  mayor* 

'Tour  dollars,'*  replied  John  Good- 
man, with  a  fearsome  tremble* 

Tour  dollars!"  shouted  His  Honor* 
'How  much  do  they  cost  you?" 
53 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


Shaking  from  head  to  foot,  John 
confessed  that  he  didn't  know* 

*T)on*t  know?*'  roared  the  mayor  j 
*'then  please  tell  me  what  these  curious 
little  symbols  mean/' 

John  reluctantly  admitted  that  they 
were  the  cost  mark* 

'WeH,  can't  you  read  it?" 

Again  the  unfortunate  salesman 
was  obKged  to  yield  to  the  mayor* 
Yes,  he  could  read  it,  but  it  was  a 
trade  secret?  his  employer  would  not 
allow  him  to  divulge  it* 

*'Do  you  realize  who  I  am,  young 
man?"  shouted  His  Honor j  *Tm  the 
mayor  of  Blankburg*  It's  my  business 
to  reveal  to  the  public  fust  such  *trade 
secrets'  as  this*  Four  dollars  for  shoes 
— something  rotten  in  the  state  of 
Denmark*  When  I  was  a  boy  they 
were  sold  for  $2*50*" 
54 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


The  mayor  indignantly  refused  to 
be  *'held  up/'  as  he  termed  it,  and 
postponed  reshodding;  himself  until 
the  municipal  shoe  store  could  be  put 
in  operation — ^which  it  was,  within 
a  week* 

That  afternoon  the  common  coun- 
cil held  a  memorable  executive  ses- 
sion cafled  by  the  president*  A  lengthy 
petition  was  read,  demanding  a  mu- 
nicipal newspaper*  The  aldermen 
were  inclined  to  favor  it*  In  vain  did 
the  mayor  plead  that  the  matter  be 
placed  upon  the  table*  His  enemies, 
seeing  a  chance  to  lure  newspaper  sup- 
port away  from  him,  insisted  that  the 
petition  be  acted  upon*  The  vote  was 
favorable  and  a  committee  was  ap- 
pointed to  get  the  municipal  daily  in 
active  operation  at  the  earKest  possi- 
ble momenta  ''None  of  us  fellows  *II 
55 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


get  roasted  any  more/'  said  one  alder- 
man, sagely* 

It  was  with  a  heavy  heart  that  the 
mayor  went  around  to  the  **Be^le's'' 
office  to  break  the  sad  news  to  his  old 
friend*  To  his  surprise,  he  found  the 
door  closed  and  a  s^n  hung  upon  the 
window:  *TubIication  temporarily 
suspended/' 

**Yes,"  confessed  the  editor,  when 
the  mayor  succeeded  in  locating  him, 
^'the  advertising  stopped  and  so  the 
paper  stopped*  I'm  going  to  change 
my  name  and  go  to  Chicago/' 

About  this  time  the  mayor's  sup- 
porters started  to  circulate  his  peti- 
tions for  the  gubernatorial  primary* 
Strange  to  say,  an  ungrateful  people 
were  extremely  reluctant  to  come  to 
his  aid*  The  people  who  had  been 
'^eliminated"  seemed  to  be  the  great 
56 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


predominating  majority  and  they  were 
all  looking  for  somebody  else's  petition 
to  sign»  The  mayor  was  desperate^ 
If  his  own  city — ^the  city  which  he 
loved  and  for  which  he  had  sacrificed 
so  much — ^if  Blankburg  turned  against 
him,  how  could  he  hope  to  win?  The 
governorship,  the  presidency,  receded 
rapidly  from  his  vision* 

Business — ^which,  after  all,  is  the 
very  foundation  of  the  American  city; 
— ^was  at  a  standstill  in  Blankburg* 
The  main  street  was  one  long  proces- 
sion of  '*To  Rent'*  signs*  The  popu- 
lation was  rapidly  dwindling*  Those 
who  stayed  were  unemployed*  The 
factories  had  all  the  help  needed  and 
the  commercial  world  had  been  par- 
alyzed* Taxes  were  due  for  a  big 
jump*  Rather  than  not  sell  at  exact 
cost,  the  mayor  had  put  into  the 
57 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


budget  various  items  for  assistance  in 
distributing  goods*  This  had  given 
work  to  a  few — ^if  they  were  of  the 
right  party*  *'SeII  out  and  get  out/' 
became  a  favorite  motto,  but  in  most 
cases  only  the  latter  proved  practicable. 
Every  bank  in  town  was  enjoying  a 
continuous  **run/* 

Thanksgiving  eve  came  around 
again*  John  Goodman  was  on  his 
way  home*  He  was  looking  the  re- 
verse of  prosperous*  Like  most  of  his 
trade,  he  was  ''on  the  street**'  Even  a 
municipal  ''at  cost'*  hand-me-down  he 
did  not  see  his  way  clear  to  afford* 
No  feeling  of  elation  was  in  his  heart 
now*  He  was  wondering  where  he 
could  get  enough  money  to  "dig  out**' 
He  thot^ht  of  a  year  ago  to-night 
with  a  bitter  smile*  He  remembered 
hi«  wife's  surprise  and  joy#  Yes,  tur- 
58 


CHEAP  TURKEY 


key  was  still  chcap«  John  had  seen 
the  price  marks  at  the  municipal  mar- 
ket on  his  way  home*  Turkey  was 
cheapt  all  right,  but  John  Goodman 
had  no  money  to  pay  for  it. 


59 


By  William  Ganson  Rose 

The  Ginger  Cure 

"We  can  cheerfully  recommend 

'The  Ginger  Cure'  as  a  safe  and 

reliable  remedy  for  the  blues." 

— Detroit  Free  Press 

"A  story  that  drives  away  the 
spiders  and  wipes  out  the  cob- 
webs." — Cleveland  Press 

Putting  Marshville 
on  the  Map 

*'Get  the  book,  put  it  in  your 
pocket  and  read  it  on  the  cars, 
in  the  elevator,  while  shaving  or 
at  quick  lunch." — Boston  Globe 

"Rather  a  clever 
Little  task— 
This  book— if 

Anyone  should  ask. 

Practical,  well-written. 

New, 
And  having  a  moral 

In  it,  too.'* 

—St.  Louis  Post-DispaUh 


SO  CENTS  NET  EACH 


f^v"' 


273055 


HI 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CAUFORNIA  UBRARY 


